A common struggle for people in long term romantic relationships, a seeming lack of passion. For many, that burning, hot passionate intimacy from the early days of relationship seems to dwindle and fizzle out as the years pass by. This might be characterised by a lack of sex, reduced intimacy, a slump in the libido or inequity between interest in sex between partners.
It’s a commonly held belief that passionate intimacy and sexual attraction in a relationship will inevitably diminish after time, however, some recent work by psychologists suggests that this is not necessarily the case. Instead, it’s been argued that passionate love is just one facet of a healthy, lasting romantic relationship, and one that naturally fluctuates over the years.
While no two sexual relationships are the same, there are some things that we can all do to fire up that spark of passionate love and nurture the intimacy with a lover. Some important points to consider include making sure you are communicating with your significant other, always continuing to learn and to play.
1. Know yourself
Know what you want, know your body, know your boundaries. Know what you will try if you are comfortable and what is off limits. Understanding your own sexuality and not being timid about exploring yourself is vital to helping you learn to do this with others. The idea of going solo might be unfamiliar to some, mainly women, but it is a healthy part of nurturing your own sexual wellness.
Speaking openly about your sexual desires can be a daunting challenge if it is not something that you have practised in your relationship before.
Depending on your stage of life, you may experience certain sexual problems. For men, the most common being Erectile Dysfunction or other performance related issues, while for women, issues with becoming lubricated enough for intercourse, or simply being confident enough to express themselves through sex to their partner. These sexual issues tend to be different for men and women, depending on their stage of life.
3. Be intimate in other ways
Opening up to your partner can achieve more than a boost in your sex life as well. It will help to foster emotional intimacy, one of the various types of intimacy that form the building blocks of a strong, lasting relationship.
Intimacy and Sex are not necessarily the same. Build more time for intimacy into your daily routine. Simple gestures like holding hands, hugging touching and kissing can increase the spark of passion in your relationship.
4. Get creative
Just like most of us have our quick, after-work go-to meals that develop into a mundane daily, routine, we all have our go-to moves to initiate sex. Once we settle into a relationship and become comfortable with another person, it becomes all too easy to fall into a pattern of repeating the same moves and having the same sex over again. Building communication channels and a sense of intimacy with your partner can help to break down these routines, but don’t be afraid to experiment with bringing toys into the bedroom. Studies have shown that using vibrators may help to improve your sexual performance and help you more regularly achieve orgasm. Although vibrators are often thought of to be something purely for women, in reality, there are many toys and vibes out there on the market that are designed with both the needs of men and women in mind and there is almost certainly something out there that will suit both your tastes.
It’s important to accept that every intimate relationship will develop its own language of love and part of the joy is in working with your partner to learn.
I am a sexologist, accredited psychosexual therapist and a sex counsellor.
If you want to learn more, give me a visit (Gold Coast, Brisbane, Online)